S01E41: When We Research Resistance

In this week’s episode, Samantha and Matilda talk about R&D as indie authors: the opportunities, the set backs, and the future of their careers. 

Next week, Sam and Matilda will talk about contingencies within the self publishing world they're living in!

Where to find Sam and Matilda:

SAM IG: @sammowrimo

Website: www.samantha-cummings.com

Book to start with: Curse of the Wild (Moons & Magic Book 1) https://amzn.eu/d/3QHym3m

Most recent book: Heart of the Wolf (Moons & Magic Book 2) https://amzn.eu/d/4HecH3a

MATILDA IG: @matildaswiftauthor

Website: MatildaSwift.com

Book to start with: https://books2read.com/TheSlayoftheLand (book #1 of The Heathervale Mysteries)

Most recent book: https://books2read.com/ButterLatethanNever (book #3 of The Slippery Spoon Mysteries)

Mentioned on the show:

Wish I’d Known Then for Writers: Capitalizing on Trends While Staying True to Genre Expectations with Lynn Morrison and Anne Radcliffe: https://youtu.be/RBOkZWyO8D0?si=k12uS70eT21KJwO7

Alan Garner (who looks nothing life Sam): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Garner

Transcript:

welcome to your next step of the Self Publishing Mountain.

I'm Matilda Swift, author of Quintessentially British Cozy Mysteries.

And I'm Samantha Cummings, author of Young Adult Books about Magic, Myths and Monsters.

I've written the books, changed their covers, tweaked their blurbs, tried tools from a dozen ad courses, and I'm still not seeing success.

Now, we're working together to plot and plan our way from barely making ends meet to pulling in a living wage.

Join us on our journey where we'll be mastering the pen to snag that paycheck.

Hello and welcome to Pen to Paycheck Authors podcast.

I'm Samantha Cummings here with my co-host Matilda Swift, and we're here to write our way to financial success.

We're two indie authors with over a dozen books between us and still a long way to go towards the quit the day job dream.

If that sounds familiar, listen along for our mastery through Missteps Journey.

Each week we cover a topic to help along the way.

This week's topic is R&D, but before that, what are your wins and whinges of the week?

I feel like I am sort of wiggly and comfortably in the midst of a lot of wins and whinges, and I don't quite know where I'm landing.

I have had loads of wins this week.

I mean, it's my birthday this week, so absolutely fantastic, like wonderful on a personal front.

Happy birthday.

I went to a rug-tufting workshop all day for my birthday present for my parents, and made an amazing rug which I mean, not to keep my own home, but it is the best rug.

I have seen a picture.

I got a phenomenal, yeah, it's like incomparable.

I got an amazing present from my brother to go to Agatha Christie's sort of little retreat place to go and do some writing there, a little holiday.

And just sent some other lovely cards and gifts and a wonderful time.

So that's been really good.

And I think it's unrelated to my birthday.

I think partly it's what we talked about in the podcast, but also maybe something in the back of my mind has sort of settled into contemplation of the passing of time or landmarks in your life.

But I do feel like I am itching to take the next steps in my writing career, in a way that a couple of days ago maybe it's not really positive.

And this week is feeling a little bit like, I'm not quite sure how to push through the next barrier.

And I think how to do it is like things that we have planned.

So we had our mastermind day today, we've got lots of great plans to do it.

But I do find myself feeling maybe for the first time in quite a while not racing ahead.

I feel like I'm like, oh, my wheels are getting a bit and I'm not quite sure why.

How about you?

Yeah, I have lots of whims.

I think the whims is probably the same.

I also feel like I'm ready to move ahead.

I think that we're both feeling like the hesitancy of not knowing what the next step is going to look like, because the next step is going to be like literally moving further than we've moved.

Like we've already come so far this year and next year is going to be completely different.

And I can tell, I know it is.

But I don't know what to expect.

So that's kind of my hesitancy is a little bit of, maybe a bit of fear.

It is excitement.

But yeah, a little bit of uncertainty feels very strange.

I've had a great win this week in that I am currently planning my next book, not the next book that's being released.

Let's not talk about my schedule.

But my next book that I'm just writing.

And I was kind of doing some planning work this week.

And I was writing out, just kind of like tootling along, trying to write a synopsis.

And I wrote the whole synopsis.

I know exactly what happens in this book.

I didn't know when I started writing the synopsis.

I was like, I have no clue.

Like I have a couple of scenes.

I kind of basic grasp of what I want it to be.

But I sorted out my X meets Y.

And I picked some tropes that I was really looking to get into the book.

So I already had the vibe.

And then I wrote the synopsis.

And yeah, I like completely, I feel like I've nailed it.

I'm so excited.

And this is a big week for our, you know, our modesty.

We just left it in the dust.

Yeah.

Goodbye, modesty.

We are fantastic.

You know, like sometimes you, you come up with a story idea and you think like, maybe I can make this work, but I really think I can make this work.

There's no maybe.

I think that this is when it eventually comes out in like 2030.

It won't be that long.

I think it's going to be the next big thing.

You gotta believe in yourself.

That's so exciting.

Yeah.

I'm just very excited to write it.

I haven't written a new book since.

I think I did write a book this year, to be fair.

I'm kind of telling myself short, but I feel like I've not started a new big project for a while.

So I am very excited to be getting back into the writing groove very soon and getting back into my daily writing schedule because I've not been writing.

I've just I've not even been editing recently.

That's also starting soon.

So yeah, I'm just getting back into the creativity of it all.

And rather than the like the musing and the like looking at my wall of plans and kind of standing back like hmm.

Yeah.

So moving forward, feeling good.

Yes, fantastic.

And that's that's kind of what we're looking at today.

And I think it's an interesting topic because I think when we originally planned it, we don't plan that far ahead with these.

We try and kind of plan for next month ahead, factoring in what we're going to be dealing with and what we think is going to be a big topic for us that we want to kind of tackle.

And this one, I think, interesting, maybe of all topics that we've done is the one that I feel like maybe we changed our minds most on since we first planned it.

I think we're both quite a different place.

So the topic today is R&D, as in research and development.

And can you tell us a little bit about maybe what that means to you as an author and what we might have already meant it to mean versus what we might be talking about today?

I love that you just assume I'll definitely know all the details.

So for me right now, R&D means being in the author's seats where you're not, like, you're no big deal.

People aren't really looking at you too much.

And it's the free rein and that feeling of being able to test things out, be it, like, the frequency of your e-mails or the types of things you put on social media, or even the processes that you're doing, your writing processes or all of that stuff.

It's being able to pick up and change those things to see what suits you best.

And once you're at the point where you're doing this full time, I don't think you get that opportunity really to, because you've just got to keep moving forwards at that point.

I don't think you get the opportunity to sit down and think about whether you could change your processes or change what you're posting on social media.

If people are expecting particular things from you.

Right now, nobody's expecting anything.

I was going to swear I didn't.

They're not expecting anything from me.

And I'm really trying to lead into that feeling of freedom of being like, well, I can change up what I'm posting on Instagram.

And I have been.

Yeah, so that's what I feel it means.

That's what it means to me.

Whether that's what it was supposed to mean originally, I'm just going to have a quick look back and see.

Yeah, so the things I originally wrote in my notebook when we were talking about this.

Yeah, yeah.

It's, I put here like the ability to try new things without the need to commit.

So I think I nailed it.

Yeah, but I feel like given what we've kind of been talking around today, it does feel a little bit like we'll be both ready for that stage to maybe feel a little bit firmer under your feet.

And I don't know if that's correct.

I think that might not be the stage that we should be at.

I think I'm a little bit too ready at the moment to feel like, oh, I want to really focus on pushing forwards and making what feels to me like big progress.

And maybe this episode is coming at the right time to kind of remind us of like, no, don't go in kind of full steam ahead on one track.

Make sure you're still taking time for testing and developing.

And definitely when we first thought about the topic, it was about without feeling like there's any compromise in it, you can completely change what you're doing.

And that might change your long-term plans, but it's not changing.

It's not having an impact on the universe that you need to factor in.

Because you could say tomorrow, I'm going to become a romance author.

Like that's so I'm just going to come around to romance author for the next three months to see how it goes for me.

And it's not necessarily saying if you were a big author in your genre and you decided I want to try romance, you would either have to set a pen name, you know, and really keep it secret or make this into whether you keep it secret.

You would have to maybe change your publishing schedule, have some explanations to make over that.

It's like there would be a lot of considerations, whereas right now we don't have that.

And it's a big change.

I think we were talking initially about things like you could change your writing processes.

And if that changed your speed of releases, fine, who's going to notice?

And you could change your socials.

And you might get a few people commenting, oh, what a different look from you.

And then that's it.

There will be no other consequence.

There will be no factoring in of having to do with people's, you know, feelings around something.

So that is positive.

I think maybe it's not my feeling like I want to be out or I am out of an R&D phase.

I think for me, I feel like I've spent all year testing stuff.

And I'm now ready to like narrow down to a few things I'm good at.

That's because that's what we're talking about today a lot.

And that's kind of our next phase is trying to get out of maybe the experiment phase and start getting some solid results.

So yes, thinking about that, then it's a good reminder to say, like, how do we keep the R&D feeling within that, that desire to be pushing ahead something more concrete and productive?

And I know you said you'd got some notes on this.

I feel like I haven't got notes in it, because I'm just so kind of trying to get, wrap my head around how I can make progress in some things, keep writing and keep tackling new stuff and keep trying.

And I'm sure I have got some ideas, but nothing that I feel really confident about.

And I think had we talked about this a couple of weeks ago, I would have felt more confident.

And now I'm feeling like, I don't know, I'm unsettled about where I'm at right now.

What sort of ideas have you got?

Yeah, I think that it's more just mentality and mindset.

And I know, I feel like I say this every week, like it's all mindset, but R&D is mindset, because it means not judging yourself for making a mistake.

And I think that even when we are more established and we maybe aren't as flexible with what we're doing, having that mindset of, well, okay, so this book didn't launch like I thought it was going to.

Maybe we get to a point where we launch a book and it's like, number one, first day at release, and we had like 100, 200 ARC people and pre-orders and all this stuff, and it was all going so well.

And then the next book that we release doesn't do that.

I think whilst we are practicing this R&D mindset now, hopefully it will mean that when something like that comes up, and we'll talk more about this next week, I think, in next week's podcast, but it's just building in that practice to look at everything as an opportunity to learn and not be scared if the outcome is different.

So that sounded a little bit too woo woo.

I felt like I was yoga talking.

I think really there is a way of thinking about as R&D, rather than thinking as throwing spaghetti at a wall.

I think R&D is more systematic.

So you might say, I saw the results from Book 1.

With Book 2, I want to try and retain my existing audience while using it as a gateway into a new series, or whatever it is, or have a crossover section.

And you might say, I've done this because I've researched other authors in a similar genre, and know that I could have some share points to them, and can have a share order to them.

And I'm going to develop my own series to have a wider reach.

And it might be that it does flop.

And then you say, okay, that didn't work.

And I think the reason why we call this episode R&D is trying to make sure we're thinking about it as a process.

Like literally think about how to do the research and how to develop your work based on that, rather than getting stuck in a rut, or feeling like you just have to like guess and experiment wildly.

Yeah, so there was a really, really good episode of, I want to say it's Wish I'd Known, this week from Lynne Morrison and her co-writer.

So Lynne is a person who runs the Cozy Club house that I mentioned a few times.

She listens, so hi Lynne, if you're listening.

And it was a great episode talking about the process of going from writing 1920s to writing Regency Mysteries and how she had spotted the trend, how she researched it, how they developed the idea and how they got out to certain specific deadlines to meet what the audience expectations would be and how they could catch the best audience.

You know, Lynne's got a popular 1920 series.

She's already got an oil tanker going in one direction.

And it took her quite a bit of decisiveness and agility to be able to shift her oil tanker and add extra books to her schedule for that year and bringing somebody else in and just feeling confident enough in her processes that she could do that.

So that was a really good podcast.

And I will link to that.

Let me just make a note of that.

Because I think it was a fantastic listen.

And I think it's, maybe that's what I'm chafing against with this week's topic is that when I originally thought about it, when we originally kind of planned it in my head, it was like, oh, just make sure we're trying different things and make sure that we're not getting stuck in erupt.

And actually what I want it to be is, can I make sure that I am always being deliberate in my experimentation and trying new things with like tricks that I'm looking for.

Cause I have been for a while, maybe a bit to try something, it doesn't work, you know, abandon it, come back and make a chance at indifference and then abandon that and come back and dress in a different and that's been fine.

Cause I wanted to experience lots of different things.

I want to try different ad platforms, try different social techniques, try different news, that are things.

And that has felt useful to give me a chance to kind of try lots of different aspects of self-publishing.

And now I want to make sure that I am utilising my time more strategically and giving myself very set targets and metrics to review things and deadlines for review and decision points.

So that I think is where I'm just trying to solidify the idea of R&D in a way that I have not before.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Yeah, that does make sense.

And yeah, I think you're right.

It's just having...

We were talking about this today in our mastermind meeting is...

It was particularly about ads, which obviously we're always talking about Facebook ads and stuff and how, like, you're so tempted to, if a Facebook ad isn't performing well, just pull the plug and just say, well, screw it.

Like, it's not working.

Just finish it now.

And I know myself that they take at least a month to, like, to actually start working properly.

And I know myself that I have definitely pulled the plug before it's got to that, just because it wasn't the immediate result that I wanted.

So I just thought, screw it.

I'm just going to save the money instead of spending it.

And so that's making decisions that are not based on anything other than how I felt at that time.

Because I was optimistic when I pushed, like, deliver the ad.

And then when I came to look at the stats, they made me feel not as optimistic.

And instead of thinking like, well, on my schedule, I've got to run it for another three weeks.

And then when it finishes, then I'll assess it.

But, you know, I haven't done that.

So yeah, I think it is like trying to stick to our guns.

Yeah, I've made a lot of decisions based on feelings because I could.

And we're talking as well today about, I have done a lot of things that were kind of experimental and chosen specifically because the budget for them was an amount that I wouldn't have to really think about.

Like I have a lot of small things, just try different ad platforms or different promotional options, where the cost of them could be absorbed by my day job.

And I have not yet, and I have definitely talked about it many times, and I feel a lot of resistance to myself to doing it.

I have not yet made a strategic plan for like, I'm going to spend this much money on this thing.

Over this long to have this desired result, and these are my KPIs, and this is my strategic decision, and that feels horrible to me, which is annoying because a large part of that is my day job, and I don't think it's because it's annoying because it's my day job, but I don't also want to do my writing.

But also, a large part of it is because I have to have more belief in myself than I really do right now.

To experiment with things, you don't have to believe you're going to be successful because you're just trying.

But to really invest and measure and know whether you met a goal or you failed to meet a goal and assess why, you have to factor in that one of the reasons why might be that your book isn't how you want it to be.

And I think I let the fear of that like overshadow everything.

And I let myself think of that as like the default problem with anything that I think I shouldn't try that because what if the book's not very good?

And it's pointless, right?

And it's not even pointless.

It doesn't know any use, right?

Because it's not true.

And even if the book is awful, to some people, it will be fantastic to some other people.

Like I'm not looking for everyone to like the book, and I'm not looking for everyone to like me, if I'm looking at like social media posts or newsletters.

What the only thing I'm looking to do is find the market for this book.

And I say this book, I mean, whatever book I'm advertising at the time, I've got a few different books.

So yeah, it takes a lot of everyone drink mindset, takes a lot of like mindset to go from experiment to R&D.

And I think that is and it's a bigger jump than I had really thought about.

Yeah, yeah, it's, yeah.

I think it is a bigger jump.

You kind of think that, I think you think that you're gonna progress naturally and you do progress naturally in anything that you do.

And the more you do it, the better you get, et cetera, et cetera.

But there are ways that you can make that progress quicker.

And sometimes, well, that is just like doing something you're scared of.

And I think we're both at that stage where we have to do something we're scared of.

And I don't know, I don't know what that means.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I definitely know that there's some fear holding me back from something like that.

I know that I haven't like, I haven't advertised my new book.

I was so excited.

I was doing loads of stuff before it was released and I've done the thing that I said I was never going to do again, which is once it's published, just forget, just be like, well, people will find it.

And that's not, I know that's not how it works.

And I just, I think the fear got to me.

And I still had the mentality of throwing spaghetti against the wall, not the mentality.

I don't, like, I really, I don't understand my own fears well enough, I don't think.

Yeah, I don't know if it's a fear of spending more money, which is stupid because I put money aside for every month for ads.

Like I've, it goes into a separate account.

So I've got the money to spend.

Yeah, I really, I don't know what I'm scared of.

But it's something, there's definitely a block.

And there's like, yeah.

I think I need to do some digging on that.

Because it's definitely something that as soon as the book was released, I kind of wanted to run away from it.

And I don't know why, because I love it.

I love the book so much.

Maybe I was just tired.

I don't know.

Maybe I just got a little bit sick of my own voice talking about it.

But you can't get sick of your own voice.

So we were looking today at a tried published author.

I'm going to try to look at her posts.

And she's someone who on social media, on Instagram specifically, just posts constantly in a way that's very achievable, very doable.

Though, you know, there's kind of backstory to her building an audience of being a book, like a bookstagrammer.

But she posts constantly about her books, and people love it.

And we were trying to kind of look at that and think, what's stopping, what's stopping us from doing that?

And what's the mental block?

Because I think that's maybe the stage that we're at, is that it's, you know, and that's maybe what's feeling a bit uncomfortable about this, like the stage I'm at now is, there's nothing holding me back except for myself.

And, you know, this isn't like an 80s Gratty film, like I cannot fight myself by, by like waxing a car.

I need to figure out some sort of process for really getting past this, what feels like a block.

Um, because there's nothing, there is literally nothing else off me.

I also have money saved.

I have money saved specifically to put towards my self publishing business.

I just don't believe I will do it in the right way is, is my issue.

And I, and then we talked about before, like I'm very keen to do things in the, in the right way.

Uh, and not, not make an avoidable mistake.

Um, and that is just then making me do nothing, which is absolutely a waste of my time.

So we have got plans in place to, to do some things over the next few months.

Like, um, we're really making a big push towards the end of this year to kind of push past the final hurdles in our way.

But I do think we maybe haven't factored enough of the mindset side of things and thinking about, yeah, why aren't we raring to go?

Like, why aren't we saying, how amazing?

I have got books lined up.

I have got money in the bank.

I have got all the skills.

Let's go.

Yeah.

I think I know what my hesitancy is.

And this is like going to be a therapy session for sure.

It's been a very therapy day.

I don't like, I know.

And I'm such, I'm going to say this is because I'm a Gemini, because I love being woo woo, like crazy person.

But I'm such a dual personality person.

So I like we're talking about the weekends that we've had and how we've really stepped into like our creative geniuses.

We both had very like people heavy weekends talking to strangers and just being like really out there and feeling like, like getting a really good feedback from just talking to people, not even about writing.

I haven't really spoken to anybody about books, but just building community.

Yes, exactly.

Like just talking to neighbors and all sorts of things.

And I love that part of my life.

And I go out of my way to do it.

And I have really fostered that part of my personality over the last few years because I knew that I was I think probably because of the pandemic, I had put a lot of walls up and I wasn't seeing anybody.

I wasn't being social and it wasn't like, it didn't feel great.

So over the last few years, I've really put myself out there and started going to a coffee shop and talking to strangers.

And I love doing that, like turning into like my granddad used to be that sort of person.

He would just go out and talk to anybody that he met.

And it used to be really embarrassing.

And now all of a sudden, I'm that person, just talk to anyone.

And I love that.

But, so that's like the good part of my personality where I'm very outgoing.

I don't think anybody would think I was shy or introverted or anything.

And then I've got a part of my personality, which I think I solely reserve for my authorship.

And that is the part of my personality where I am so scared of anybody really looking at me.

And this comes from being a kid and I have like such vivid memories of being told that I'd done things wrong in front of the class.

And me wanting to do things like sing a solo in the little musical that we were doing, wasn't even a musical, like a little music festival.

And I wanted to sing a little solo, but I was too scared to do it in front of the class.

So the teacher said, well, then you can't do it.

So instead of like coaching me through fear, like the fear got distilled and I've carried this my whole life.

Okay.

And this is like a fear of anybody looking at me.

So the idea of, because I always think, you know, if you're an author, you're going to do panels and you'll go and talk to people about writing and talk about your books.

That's one of my deepest fears is sitting on a stage and people asking me about my own books.

And I have this vision.

Which is weird because it's exactly what we do right now.

We do that every week.

I know, I know.

It's more like a live, it's like a live thing.

It's like if somebody asks me, I'm just like, oh no, I don't talk to me about it.

This is live, actually.

I know.

But it's, I know, it's such a stupid thing to carry around.

And I have this imaginary scenario in my head where I'm supposed to go on stage and talk to in front of an audience and be on a panel and talk about books.

And I'm at the door ready to go in.

And I'm like frozen with fear because I'm going to have to walk past these people up on to the stage and then like sit down and have everyone look at me.

And that's kind of how I feel about doing the next steps on social media and things like that, is that I'm at the door and that this is such a long winded way to get there.

I'm at the door.

But I think it's a really good illustration of it.

Yeah, I can't quite bring myself to turn the handle because as soon as I walk in, everyone's going to turn and look at me.

And that's like, that's the fear that I'm at that part.

And I need to totally just break through it because like I say, I have this other part of my personality that goes out and talks to strangers.

I don't know.

I don't know why those two parts of me can't mesh into one super human person.

But you're in control of that because I also really love that.

And I often find it bizarre when people say, oh, you're such an extravert that you're so chatty and friendly.

I was like, I'm absolutely not.

I really love conversations and I also love talking to strangers and like really building community.

Like I have very strong instincts towards doing that.

But often it's in situations that I can control and I can just walk away from.

I love going into a shop and just like chatting to the shopkeeper because you'll never see them again.

And like there's no there's no requirement in that conversation.

You get to just ask.

Also, I am so nosy.

People mostly just answer whatever you ask them.

And I think not everyone knows that.

You can ask people anything and they'll just tell you, which I love.

Yeah, me too.

But again, I'm very much in control of that.

I can walk away.

And there's like an anonymous factor to it that you lose.

If you publish your books and everyone has read them, then you can't undo that.

And what if it's not a good enough book?

And what if you said something really stupid in the book?

I don't even think I have this fear, literally, or I've not articulated this fear to myself, but it does feel like I am so comfortable and really happy with a sense of an anonymous anonymity.

I feel bold and big inside anonymity, and I don't feel that outside of it.

So I think, yeah, maybe I have a similar block in that there's, it's not that I don't really want to take the next step because of that, but it's that I feel an uncertainty of what's the next step, because it's not a place I normally inhabit.

I inhabit a space of like, confident, exuberant anonymity that I will, and I don't know what's on the other side of it.

No, this is a good therapy session.

Yeah, I feel, I know, I'm really good at therapy.

I don't take it, but I just feel like I could be a therapist myself.

I know all the words, I know all the words.

I watch enough TV.

You just, yeah, you say the words and you charge the money.

Yeah, I say the words.

Yeah.

I, I feel like this about everything in life, this is just a well-known thing, is that once you've done the thing, it becomes less scary, and all of a sudden you can't remember why you were scared of it in the first place.

Next week, I am going to a book fair, and I'm not going as an author, I'm going as a bookseller because I sell children's books on the side, because who doesn't need multiple businesses?

Yeah.

But I am going to take a handful of my own books anyway, and I'm going to see if I can sell them.

That to me is going to be like a bit of an icebreaker into being an outside author, because I want to be like the famous author of my town.

Like I want everybody to know that that's who I am.

And the only way to do it.

You can't be the famous author when you live there with Alan Garner.

Do you know, never see Alan knocking around?

Where is he?

He's too busy being grumpy up in his house and knocking the Lord of the Rings whenever he gets a chance.

Yeah, so screw him.

Sorry, Alan.

And I am going to be the new famous author.

It's me.

And yeah, the only way to do it, I'm the new Alan Garner.

And the only way to do it is to do the thing and do the scary thing and dress like Alan Garner.

Just so you know, I am going to put links of Alan Garner in the show notes, just in case you want to know who he is.

He mostly wrote kids books when we were kids, but he now writes adult books.

And he is an unbelievably good writer, very well respected.

And we're not looking at Alan Garner, both big fans.

Yeah.

But just in case, I think he's maybe less common in America.

So I'm going to put a link just so everyone knows who we're talking about and maybe how little resemblance Sam bears to him.

Well, I could be related to that, there's no way.

Yeah.

So I think that I need to do that thing and be scared because I have done things in the past like this.

So I have been to an author event before.

And before I went, I mean, I cried because I was just so stressed out about it.

And I just thought, I don't think I can do this.

I just need to go home.

And my boyfriend just like, didn't understand why I was crying.

I can't be like an outside person.

But I did it.

And it was so good.

But I haven't done anything.

And I think it's like you've got, you've got to kind of, you've got to keep your foot on the gas.

I haven't done anything for like two years where I did anything like that.

And so I've crawled back into my shell and the fears have re-resumed the stalking of my mental hallways.

So I'm really hoping that I can push through this week.

And next week, when we come together, I can be like, hey, I therapyed myself and now I am the most famous author in town.

Yeah, now I have beat Alan Garner in the thumb war and I own all the literature.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

Do you have any kind of plans for this?

overcoming my fear.

I think it's just talking about it actually.

I think I just hadn't, I hadn't really, it's a hard thing to kind of think about by yourself because you're inside your own head.

And and all I had was a sort of odd feeling of not being not being very settled.

I'm feeling a bit odd in that like everything is going according to plan and everything is going well.

And yet I'm I was like, I'm uncomfortable and I don't think I'm doing things that I should be doing.

And I think that I could be doing more.

And there's just a lot of like feeling of sort of a grouchiness inside myself of I'm not quite on the right track.

And I think it is this.

I think it's kind of this thing where I have felt like every single week, we've just been growing, growing, growing, growing, both in terms of like actual progress, but also mindset.

And then it has felt odd that I'm suddenly feeling a bit stalled.

And really out of nowhere, like it really has been when we came to look at this topic this week, I was like, oh, I don't like this topic.

I don't know why I picked it.

It doesn't feel like a positive thing.

I can't quite find a way into it.

And I think part of it is that, yeah, it's sort of like just triggered an understanding of something that I wasn't quite confronting.

So hopefully this episode has been useful for people, even though it wasn't really a topic we said it would be on.

But it kind of, it kind of is, right?

It's about like how to make a change between experimentation and professionalization.

Yeah, we've researched and developed ourselves.

Yeah, I really like thinking about having to approach things.

Thinking about having to approach change as a professional author, I think, has really like brought on thoughts about what that really means.

Because, you know, we were talking early about the the Maggie Steve Rotter threads post that's been out this week, where she was saying someone approached her, an amateur or a new author approached her at a literary event saying, Oh, when do you finally kind of get to relax and rest as an author?

And she was like, never.

Like, you're just constantly hardworking and like, you know, always changing, always trying new things and always experimenting.

And, and I think I, until now in this podcast, we've been doing so much development and so much change, it really felt like I was kind of moving towards an end point.

And not literally, but like, that's definitely the feeling I've had in my body, right?

Is that we're moving towards this end point of I will go from being a cataclysm to a butterfly.

But like, the day that a butterfly emerges is just like, that's day one of your life as a butterfly, then something tries to eat you and you go to find a new flower and it's raining.

And you know, and then you don't have any friends and you've got like a weird pattern on your wings.

Like, there's still a lot of stuff to do as a butterfly that I am maybe now able to see over the hill, like over the crest of the hill towards.

And that is making me think, I need to process and think and, you know, wriggle around in my cocoon a bit before I'm maybe ready to be a butterfly quite yet.

Because we've had so many metaphors on Act.

Yeah.

This is always a sign of like a lucky topic is when we have like never ending torturous metaphors.

That makes sense eventually.

That makes sense eventually.

We're writers, we're trying to come up with something progressive.

People get like an explicit content tag.

But we should have like an extended metaphor tag.

But like be aware, this podcast contains very strange metaphors.

Yeah, so we should definitely do that.

So do you feel like we have covered everything we're going to cover in today's very strange topic?

Good luck finding one trying to get in the other one.

Yes.

I don't know, I think it is useful, and I think it has been useful to me anyway.

And I think it kind of covers the deeper part of R&D.

Yeah, I definitely feel like I'm coming out of today, like a whole mastermind day that we've had.

And this podcast, I feel like I am metamorphosizing, and I don't know what into, but I can feel the changes.

Cockroach, maybe, who knows?

Yeah.

Could be a cockroach.

And I'll take that life, sure.

So for next week's topic, we are continuing with our series on professionalizing with an episode on contingency planning.

Do you have any thoughts on that?

Yes, I think it's much less essential.

So I think it'll actually be a more practical podcast episode.

I'm expecting far fewer metaphors.

It is a useful one for me at this time.

I may be hyzing to what we're thinking about today a little bit, in that it's just a way to make sure that my responses to problems is not driven by emotion.

I want to have plans in place for if I have sales at this level, and there's ugly dicks, here's a list of five steps to go through to check what might be the cause, rather than being like, Oh, let me turn off all of my ads and let me change all my covers.

I don't want to do that.

And I'm very wary that I could do that.

So I think just now, maybe it's also part of R&D is like just now before it is life and death, and my literal mortgage payment, I want to make sure I've got time to plan through a better process for dealing with problems.

Is that the same for you?

Yes.

Yeah, I think that's a great way to put it, especially the money thing because I wasn't even thinking about money, but now I'm thinking, I should make sure I have a credit card just in case.

Just in case I need to borrow some money and pay a bill.

But yeah, it is things like that.

And it's things like, I think we've talked about this when we're talking about what we're going to cover in this topic.

It's things like, what do you do if your KDP account gets closed down?

I think it's even practical things like, what do you do if your computer breaks?

Have you backed up your computer?

What are your backup processes?

Have you got all of your books stored elsewhere?

And yeah, it's definitely going to be a very practical, practical podcast next week.

I wish we were just going to share what that is.

I backed up my computer last weekend, so I'm feeling great.

Yeah, a nice practical episode where we can all learn the right and wrong ways to do things and go away feeling like we are unflappable and we are robust enough to take on anything that throws at us.

I am.

I think I'm really expecting to start a list of contingency plans that I then, my mind keeps working over, I keep adding to it ongoing, so that when I kind of reach a hint of problem, I will think, oh, you know what, if this is the worst, how would I want to be dealing with it?

I am feeling very excited about the next week episode, it's exactly what I need to feel more in control, which I think is maybe where I need to be right now.

It's just feeling a little bit more control of things, the unknowable.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Perfect.

Well, thank you very much for listening everybody and for being here in general.

Don't forget to subscribe and drop us a review.

Follow us on social media.

We are on Instagram.

We are on threads, I think.

Well, I think Instagram just posted threads.

And we are on Facebook and we are still uploading to YouTube as quickly as possible, but my internet is shocking right now and I don't want to talk about it.

So thank you very much.

And we will catch you next week.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

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